The Cake called Birthday.

In my family, your birthday wasn't official if it wasn't accompanied by this layer cake, baked in heart shaped pans.   By the time Ma frosted the fucker with the peanut butter icing, though,  it just looked like a big circle with a bite taken out of the side.

It also wasn't officially your birthday if the cake didn't read "Happy Brithday."   Despite her great proficiency in life, Ma can't spell.   And every year, she'd be mad,  because this was the time she thought she got it right. It's now a charming family tradition.  I misspelled it on the coconut cake* I made for her 70th.   She didn't notice.  Even after we pointed it out.

I have always suspected this is why all her children have four letter names.   It's all the letters she can be trusted with at once.  



Black Magic Cake
This cake is not original to me.  It's older than the hills, and the best chocolate cake recipe in the world, in my humble opinion.   There are times and places for box mixes, friends.  They are not the enemy.   But this is just as easy as a box mix, and the crumb on this cake is so tender and moist, it almost melts in your mouth.   You can tell it's not a box mix, too, bestowing upon you those coveted bragging rights.

• 1 and 3/4 cups all purpose flour
• 1 and 2/3 cups white sugar (you can use as much as 2 cups, but I like it less sweet; especially with the icing.)
• 2/3 to 3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
• 2 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 2 eggs
• glug of vanilla
• 1 cup buttermilk
• 1 cup cold brewed coffee, or equivalent reconstituted instant.
• 1/2 cup cooking oil, like canola or corn.  

Preheat your oven to 350.   Grease and flour two 8-9 inch pans, or a 9x12, or a big bundt.   

All those ingredients? Mix them.   In what order, you wonder?  Who the fuck cares, I say.   Just make sure there aren't any huge lumps.   And don't sift your flour.   If you want to be all fancy, put the dry ingredients in first and hit them with the whisk or beaters on low before adding the wet.   But again, I don't know why I'm still talking about this, because it doesn't matter.  That is the true beauty of this cake.

Now, do not stick a toothpick in this cake.  It will never tell you anything.   The center should just be set, and spring back to the touch.  The sides should just be starting to pull away from the pan.  That's about 20-23 minutes in my oven, if you're using the 8 inch pans.   Set it for 18, and check it.   It will continue to bake a little after you pull it out, it so don't kill it. 

Let it cool in the pan for about 20 minutes before you invert it.  It's so tender, it's fragile, like a lot of people we all know.   You could use parchment, if you really want to be cautious.  

Now, for the frosting:

Peanut Butter Frosting

This is the stuff of legend, friends.  My version of Ma's frosting is actually lighter than hers, in both calories and density.   I know that's hard to believe.  But it's true. 

• 1/2 stick softened butter
• 1/2 package of softened neufchatel or cream cheese
• 1 cup natural, low sugar no-stir peanut butter  (CREAMY ONLY I HAVE OPINIONS)
• vanilla
• 2 tbl- 1/4 cup milk
• about 1/2 bag of confectioner's sugar

If you are lucky enough to have a stand mixer, you are lucky.   I am lucky, but if you're still in the handheld beater phase of life, you'll get there one day.   

Cream together the butter and cream cheese until fluffy and incorporated.  Add the peanut butter, vanilla, 2 tbl. of the milk, and beat the living shit out of it.   Show it who's boss until it's creamy and fluffy and thoroughly tamed to your hand.   Then start adding the sugar.  Start with two cups, and beat slowly.  It generally takes about 3.5-4, I'd guess.

There's no science to this.  Just get it the texture that you want it to be- you can always add more milk, a tablespoon at a time.   

Never chill this frosting prior to trying to ice your cake.   It would be like trying to butter it with cement.  Using more rather than less makes the frosting process a lot easier, too.  And if you're making this frosting, don't fucking kid yourself that using less will make it any less rich.  Ha.

But of course, you can chill it after.  It makes it set up really nicely.   

And that's the cake, friends.  

*Recipe to follow sometime.